You are temporary
Both in the finite sense
Because you may end in a few months or years,
And in the eternal
Because you cannot enter Heaven anymore.
Because if you are there even for a short time,
You will be mended eventually
By the Great Grafter.
He will tie you to another shattered
The Son will shine
You will be there, Heartbreak,
Because how can He wipe away every tear
You will be there,
Because nothing works for the Son to shine in life
Like His own death.
That is, you will be there, Heartbreak,
You are mended again before we know it:
When many bonds
–chains not grafts–
Like bodies or veils or stones
To reveal hope that couldn’t have existed
If we hadn’t been in the dark.
You are what allows hellos.
A handful have promised me
That no matter how far apart
Two pieces are put
Eventually, we will be draw back together.
Because some, a handful,
Are rescued by a Goodbye,
One said on a good Friday.
I am promised I will be reunited
And not just with those rescued
But the Rescuer.
Dear Goodbye, dear Heartbreak,
You are what allows a humbler hello.
You think you are here forever and have made your host secure
Through the idea that “this is it
This was all God had in mind.”
You even convince me sometimes.
But God makes miracles happen by causing things to do more
Than for what they were seemingly designed to do.
Dear Heartbreak, dear Hopeless cause,
Even though you proudly show off your
Pessimism–sorry, your “realism”–
And make life impossible to live with.
To be in need,
To be sought after,
And to be brought into being.
Hopeless cause, stars shine in you brighter
And souls are made braver to follow
Bethlehem stars into the dark
If only to find
Miracles, Heartbreak, are complete defiance of everything you told me:
I was made for you and you for me
We were married ’til death,
‘Til I do tear apart and stay lonely
That God created us to be one twisted jigsaw puzzle;
That God squints over it like He’s as confused
As I am.
But in reality,
God proved Himself.
I was not made for you, Heartbreak.
I was made for what follows you
In God Almighty’s hands:
- Psalm 37:9-11 and Matthew 5:3-16
- Psalm 39:7 (Hit me HARD last night. How often do I think I need the thing He provides more than Him?)
And now, O Lord, for what do I wait?
My hope is in you.
- Matthew 28:16-20 (Also known as The Great Commission. This is a benediction for us too, in the middle of our pain, taking baby-faith-steps.)
- “It Is Well” a spoken word by Chris Webb (Not only has the hymn been coming back to me again and again, but this poem was a joy to hear again.)
- My playlist “another day at the throne” (This sort of expresses my transition experience over the past year or so)
- The entire book of Job (Just listen to this dramatized audio bible. It clicked for me in a way it hasn’t before).
- Another playlist. These are songs that remind me of Job and help me dwell on the story and its purpose.
- This quote from Liturgy of the Ordinary by Tish Harrison Warren:
God is at work in us and through us as we wait. Our waiting is active and purposeful. My friend Steven, the farmer-prophet, reminds me that a fallow field is never dormant. As dirt sits waiting for things to be planted and grown, there is work being done invisibly and silently. Microorganisms are breeding, moving, and eating. Wind and sun and fungi and insects are dancing a delicate dance that leavens the soil, making it richer and better, readying it for planting. […]
Even now as we wait, God is bringing the kingdom that will one day be fully known. We can be as patient as a fallow field because we know there are gifts promised by a Giver who can be trusted.
I am moving again.
I have felt these goodbyes in a unique way: different, yet familiar compared to when I left Slovakia. Despite how sad it is, I know I personally am called to go with my family into new ministry and a new chapter of life. Every day it becomes more of a step of faith, but still confirmed to be the right step. God is promising some kind of healing to me, over and over.
That isn’t the only reason I’m sharing this. Other hard changes are happening. Others are dealing with hurt too. I’m sharing this because so many people in my life who are dear to me are wrestling with health, matters of the heart, circumstances beyond understanding, and faith. You’re on my mind friends, and I love you.
So here are the spare words I’ve got, coming from watching for God’s hand late at night, and typing on my phone’s notes app.
Rise from the ashes, frens,